Half-Price and Half-Baked Books: A Parenting Book that "Works" by Michal Crum
Wed, 2010-01-20 10:39 — moderator
I was walking through Half-Price Books with a friend of mine last week. After several years of waiting and anticipation, she and her husband are expecting their first child. As we perused titles in the clearance section (yes, we both shop the clearance aisles, even at Half-Price Books), she asked me what books she could read in preparation for having a baby... Now this friend of mine could complete a professional-reading resume with her experience in childcare (in fact, she has—I’ve seen it…but that’s another story), so she’s not looking for diagrams on how to change a baby’s diaper or charts telling what symptoms signal it’s time to visit the doctor. I think she was more prepared for motherhood on her thirteenth birthday than I was when my son was six months old. She was “born” to be a mother, if you know what I mean. But she wants be prepared spiritually and emotionally for rearing a child.
What book can I recommend? There are hundreds of books on parenting, mothering, fostering and nurturing. There are books on how, when, where and how often to feed your baby. There are books on how and why to make your baby sleep and there are books on how and why to not make your baby sleep. There are books on pregnancy, delivery, bonding and diet. These books are based on everything from studies in child development, psychology, polls, birth order, family history, religion and worldview.
But which book?
Most parenting books are based on flawed assumptions. To name a few:
--Children are inherently innocent and good, until they are corrupted by the world.
--Education is the answer to man’s problems—selfishness and sin are only the result of ignorance.
--Schedule is god.
--Diet is god.
--If we just follow X formula or Y method, our children will be intelligent, capable, creative, responsible, socially-skilled and talented individuals.
We all want to find a method that works. How can I make sure my kids grow up to top-notch adults? I can’t. Parenting is the most fundamental exercise in faith that most of us ever participate in. When we acknowledge that we can never control all the variables, protect from all serious harm, or avoid passing our sins along, as Christians we have no choice but to put our faith in God. We can pray for our children, we can teach them the Gospel, and enlist the help of brothers and sisters in Christ. But we cannot manufacture Christian children.
So, dear friend, here is my best advice: skip the parenting books for now. There’s only one book that has the answers. You guessed it—the Bible. The Bible addresses every aspect of parenting. It tells us why we are sinners. It shows us how we are sinners. It shows us the same for our children. It tells us what to do when we sin. It tells us how to correct and restore our children when they sin. There are many correct answers to a host of questions for parents today. But the essentials are all covered in the Bible. So immerse yourself in Scripture and pray for your baby daily, even hourly. Spend time in community with other parents who demonstrate a godly example of Christian training. Then trust that God will honor His promises to His covenant children.
Note: The women who post on our ClearNote Ladies' Blog have requested a room of their own where they are free to teach and have conversations without the complication of men responding to what they write. The blog, then, is by and for women. Brothers, we ask that you refrain from commenting. Thank you!
Comments
Often when I am correcting my
Often when I am correcting my three-year-old son, I lose my temper and yell at him. While I am broken over my sin, I am also thankful for sweetness that comes after my son & I have sinned against each other. First, I repent to him for losing my temper. Immediately after he has forgiven me, we address his sin. Then we pray together, confessing our sins to Christ and ask for forgiveness. Lastly, we cry a little, cuddle, and talk about how the sins we just commited are the exact reason why Jesus had to die & rise again. As you said, it is only by the Word of God that we know how to address our sins, our children's sins and how to correct & restore us & them. This is truely the hope & beauty of the gospel!
Great advice, Michal. As we
Great advice, Michal. As we model confessing our sin and asking for forgiveness, we teach this to our children. It is only through recognition of our sin that we realize our need for a Savior, and this an important truth to teach them.
Parenting can at times seem an overwhelming job, and the Bible also has also given us specific practical instructions about child-rearing. Mothers are told to love their children (Titus 2:3). Fathers who love their children are to discipline them diligently. (Proverbs 13:24) Children are to obey their parents (Ephesians 6:1), and so it is up to parents to train them to do so. I've just scratched the surface here.
Broadening the scope of study to character qualities, the fruits of the spirit make a great starting point—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. I've found that good parenting challenged me in several of these areas, areas in which I had not really been challenged before.
So, in addition to heeding Michal's advice above, I would encourage anyone new to parenting, or wanting to brush up on their parenting skills, to study the Scriptures for what the Bible says on this very topic.
Agreed. With post and
Agreed. With post and responses. Thank you, Michal for writing this. I daily struggle with my failures as a mother, and often think of what you once said your mother-in-law told you, that her children's faithfulness was God's doing, and not due to any method she might have employed, or her own righteousness. I am putting all my eggs in THAT basket.
Praise God, Barbara. Finally,
Praise God, Barbara. Finally, a trustworthy egg-basket. :)
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